The Words You Need To Say

Message Summary:

Endings have a way of bringing tremendous clarity. The end of a relationship. A movie. A job. As we get closer to the end, the story (hopefully) makes a bit more sense. What's important stands out above the rest. The gospel, similarly, brings clarity.  The death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus—and the reality of His eventual return bring this life into great focus. We aren't invited into a pretend version of life. This is not practice for someday. Jesus invites us into a "right now" gospel--one that changes how we live today. 

If you knew the end was near, what would suddenly become clear? What gospel action would you need to take?

For many people, the answer would involve a relationship: a conversation they have avoided, a wrong they have never acknowledged, words they wish they could take back, someone they need to forgive, or someone whose forgiveness they need to ask for.

If the end would make that conversation urgent, why are we waiting for the end?

A Family Torn Apart

There may be no place where these conversations are more necessary—or more difficult—than within a family. Families carry history. We remember what was said, who was favored, who was overlooked, and who was absent when we needed them.

That is the kind of family we meet in Genesis 37.

Joseph’s story is often presented as an inspiring account of a young man with a dream. It is certainly a story of God’s faithfulness, but before it becomes a story of rescue and restoration, it is the story of a family torn apart by favoritism, jealousy, hatred, and betrayal.

Jacob openly favored Joseph over his other sons. Joseph’s brothers saw the evidence, and their resentment eventually turned into hatred. One day, they attacked Joseph, tore off his robe, and threw him into a pit. They later sold him into slavery and created a lie that would remain at the center of their family for years.

The brothers’ pain was real, but what they did with their pain was wrong.

Pain does not excuse your actions.

Jacob wounded his sons through favoritism and his sons wounded Joseph through hatred and betrayal. That is what unresolved pain can do. We begin to believe that because somebody hurt us, we have the right to make somebody else pay.

Being wounded does not give us permission to wound.

The Debt That Time Could Not Erase

Joseph was taken to Egypt, where he lived first as a slave and then as a prisoner. Thirteen years passed before Pharaoh elevated him to a position of authority. God used Joseph to prepare Egypt for a devastating famine, and that famine eventually brought Joseph face-to-face with the brothers who had sold him.

More than 20 years had passed. Joseph immediately recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him. As Joseph tested them, he overheard them discussing what they had done:

“Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen.” —Genesis 42:21

They still remembered Joseph’s voice pleading from the pit. Time had changed their circumstances, but it had not cleared their consciences.

Time does not erase the debt.

Debt is one of the pictures Scripture uses to help us understand forgiveness. When someone sins against us, something is taken—trust, dignity, peace, safety, time, or reputation. Something has been lost, and we instinctively believe the person responsible should have to pay.

Joseph’s brothers owed him a debt they could never repay. They could not return the years he spent enslaved and imprisoned. They could not undo the terror of the pit or restore the time he lost with his family. That is what makes forgiveness necessary.

Forgiveness is the cancellation of a debt that cannot be repaid.

Forgiveness does not pretend the wrong never happened. It does not call evil good, remove every consequence, or automatically restore trust. But it cancels the debt--payment is no longer required. Forgiveness means surrendering the right to revenge. It means deciding not to spend the rest of your life trying to collect the debt.

Sounds like the gospel doesn't it? That's because it is. The story of Joseph foreshadows what Christ did for us. The debt of our sin against God is impossible to repay. But Jesus canceled the debt by choosing to forgive the sins of humanity. Our sin. Your sin. My sin. 

“Please Forgive Us”

We often discuss our responsibility to forgive, but what if we are the ones who created the debt? What if we spoke the reckless words, broke the promise, told the lie, or caused the pain? Joseph’s brothers did not only need to be forgiven. They needed to ask for forgiveness.

After Joseph revealed his identity, he brought his family to Egypt and cared for them. But when their father died, the brothers became afraid that Joseph had merely been waiting for an opportunity to retaliate. They finally sent him the words they had needed to say for more than 20 years:

“Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” —Genesis 50:17

They did not say, “We are sorry things became complicated.” They did not blame their age, their pain, or their father’s favoritism. Although those circumstances helped explain their behavior, they did not excuse it. “Please forgive us” meant, “We acknowledge the debt. We know we cannot undo what we did. We are placing ourselves at your mercy.”

You cannot ask someone to cancel a debt you will not acknowledge.

When “I’m Sorry” Is Not Enough

Those statements can sound like apologies while protecting us from responsibility. Asking for forgiveness takes another step:

Those words require humility. They are difficult to say because they place us at the mercy of someone we have harmed. But this is what emotional maturity looks like. More importantly, this is what following Jesus looks like.

Take Responsibility Now

Sometimes we convince ourselves that after asking God to forgive us, nothing else needs to happen. But when our sin has wounded another person, asking God for forgiveness does not eliminate our responsibility to approach that person.

Jesus makes this urgency clear in Matthew 5:23–24. If we are worshiping and remember that somebody has something against us, Jesus tells us to leave our gift and “first go and be reconciled.”

Do not hide behind worship. Do not use prayer to avoid a necessary conversation. Do not wait for the relationship to become easier or the memory to grow weaker.

The gospel calls us to take responsibility now.

Parents sometimes need to ask their children for forgiveness. Leaders need to apologize to the people they lead. Authority does not eliminate the need for humility. A sincere request for forgiveness does not weaken your authority; it demonstrates what following Jesus looks like.

This is not a drill. We are not practicing repentance for some future moment. The gospel changes how we treat our spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and church family today.

If you have caused someone pain:

Do not wait for someday to say the words you need to say.